I like the idea of blogging everyday. I like the idea of having something to say everyday. It feels important. However, with as many things that I am good at doing everyday, blogging is not one of them. Some days my case notes have more 'blog' notes on them then actual notes about the client. Hey, no one is supposed to be able to really read my notes, but me. No judgement. With all that, I find it daunting and hard to blog.
I am sure there are a number of reasons. The scariest of all may be that I am slightly afraid of my own voice. I've learned not to be afraid of it in session. I've learned there are times when a client starts a story that references something I said last session, or a few months ago, and it's way different than anything I could have possibly said. After this happening a few times I realized that my clients hear, in part, what they want to hear. This is slightly more frightening because I see how little power I have. It is also liberating. No matter how hard I try to say the right thing, or at least stay away from the wrong thing, there is sometimes little I can do to transmit the message directly into their brain without a slight game of telephone at hand. I also know that I am really good in the room. I am good when there is only the possibility of one just one judger.
Blogs feel a bit more visceral. Or maybe it is that I want it to be more visceral. I want the words I'm sharing to be the best words anybody has heard all day. Did I mention I can be pretty hard on myself? Written there in black and white it can be read over and over. With the way social media works there is also the chance that putting it out there leaves it available for professionals and other experts to disagree. In my room I am under a little bit of a safety net.
Yet my admiration for those who have something to say everyday seems important. I want to believe in my own voice. I know I have something to say, both personally and professionally. Today it hit me. It hit me that I could just write about something that I saw today. I could just write. I could just involve myself in the practice of writing, instead of the practice of goal setting. Writing is too often for others. The idea is that unless everyone applauds it isn't worth it. That's the act of goal setting. I think I've been living my life this way, even if the only one who is in any position to do the applauding is me. I move through life secretly checking the boxes.
Today, though, we just practiced life. Yesterday we had a new puppy enter our life. With every emotion I could feel from sheer panic to glimpses of joy, we still have her today. We are a little unprepared; but, nonetheless here she is. And I don't know how you handle a new puppy, but I seem to handle her the same way I handled a new baby. I just tried to take her places to create some form of entertainment/please get worn out so you will nap. In the process of this I found life practice. I found time. I found laughs. I found pause. I found stillness when I was still moving, even playing.
I found something to write about. I found just that one thing different that happened today.